Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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