yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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