Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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