Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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