Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
