At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm at about main and main street
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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