Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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