remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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