Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
