dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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