Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
