i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
