he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
