how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
