Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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