You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
