I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
