I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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