why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
