Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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