I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So many bounce houses so little time
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
