$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
