i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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