$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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