Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize