Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
