adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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