UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
