I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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