If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
