That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
