ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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