i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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