wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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