So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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