Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize