I wish I could teleport
i love accidental penises.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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