So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
