I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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