ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
