dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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