just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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