i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
