Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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