apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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