guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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