Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
