You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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