She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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