Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
