you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
