I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
