I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
