it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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