How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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