your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
