She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
