the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
