Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
