The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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