yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
