omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
