I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
