Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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