it hurts more in the daytime
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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