I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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