so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
