Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I cut my penus on the lid.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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