there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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