If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
