OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
