toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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