I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
