i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just pee around me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
