i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
